HAPPY (belated) MOTHER'S DAY FRIENDS!!
It seems that all of my holiday posts are belated! Oh well, I'm the mother of a 4 month old... please forgive me!! I hope that you all had a wonderful day and if you live in the Pacific Northwest, I hope you got a chance to get out and enjoy the gorgeous weather! This year was my first Mother’s Day (as a mother), I loved every minute of it and wish that Josh could have been with me to celebrate but, I know that if he had it his way he would’ve been and am so proud of all his hard work.
Yesterday was so surreal to me. I know I am a mom and I love being a mom but sometimes it catches me off guard. Maybe it’s because Jayden can’t call me mom yet… so when I hear the word “mom” I don’t automatically think of myself, YET!! I think another reason that Mother’s Day was so surreal to me was because of the beautiful journey that God has taken me through in becoming a mom. I have been reflecting on the last year or so and more than ever I truly believe that God is faithful. Last year was the hardest year of my life. I don’t want to get into details but some things came out, some bad things, and my dad moved out of my parent’s home. I couldn’t believe what was happening and was completely shaken to the core. Josh and I had been married for 7 months and I am so thankful for him being the supportive and wonderful husband he is, I leaned on him so much during that time. With all of the hurt that was going on, Josh and I, unsure of what the future held moved in with my mom to help her in any way possible… only to find out one month in that I was 7 weeks pregnant!!! I had no idea what was going on, I hadn’t missed one pill! Josh and I had a plan and this was not our plan! I knew that while I had no idea what was going on, God did.
Two verses that I truly and literally CLUNG to during those first weeks and throughout the pregnancy were:
1 Corinthians 10:13- “no test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it.”
Isaiah 41:10- “Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God I will strengthen you, surely I will help you. Surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
It turns out that extreme stress can really mess with your hormones and in rare cases it can even counteract birth control. Josh and I knew that even though our world was completely turned upside-down, my parents marriage in the air and a surprise baby on the way… God had a plan for Josh and I, and that He wasn’t going to just leave us or turn his back on us.
At work while 10 weeks pregnant I thought I had peed my pants!! I just felt this gush, I ran to the bathroom only to find that it wasn’t pee. I called my doctor to schedule an appointment but they couldn’t fit me in and told me that I was probably just having a miscarriage. In that moment, when I heard the nurse say those words, “ probably just having a miscarriage” I felt so protective and so petrified. I knew that God had a plan and Josh and I prayed through the night and thankfully at the appointment we found out that our baby was fine. It turned out that I had a tear in my placenta and I was leaking amniotic fluids. My doctor told me to lay low for a day or two and then go back to life as usual, except it happened again and then again... each time I was told that I was experiencing a miscarriage. I was finally put on bed rest for three weeks. Since I had no more leaking during bed rest my doctor told me that I had healed and was good to go back to normal life. I felt so blessed. I started to feel little flutters of our sweet baby moving inside of me and it was seriously the most amazing feeling that I had ever felt. Ever.
And then… on June 20th 2009 I woke up in the middle of the night in a pool of blood. My pajamas, our bedding… EVERYTHING was soaked in blood, I started crying hysterically and jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom leaving a trail of blood behind me. I started feeling extreme pains and the usual flutters that I would feel after waking up weren’t there. I kept trying to get our baby to move and there was nothing! I will never forget driving down the empty highway to the Emergency Room at 2:30am crying and praying and pleading to God with Josh. This little life in me made from the love that I have with the person that I care for most in this world, this little baby whom I didn’t know yet, but loved so dearly was in danger and I felt completely helpless because there was nothing that I could do about it!! I pleaded with God. I tried to understand why He would give me this unexpected life inside of me and then take it away. We arrived at the ER and the doctor once again talked with us about the high possibility that my pregnancy was over, that he most likely would not find a heartbeat and to be ready for that. As the doctor started searching for the heartbeat I held Josh’s hand and prayed. I prayed and prayed and cried while the doctor kept searching for the heartbeat. Then I stopped and gasped at the most wonderful sound that I had ever heard in my life, our sweet baby’s heartbeat… strong and steady! I was kept in the hospital for quite some time and they ran many, many tests on me and they determined that I had a subchorionic tear and somehow our sweet boy was ok. I had grown a hematoma, which is a sac of blood that the body creates to keep internal bleeding to a minimum, except my hematoma had ruptured. Luckily all of the action had happened outside of the placenta and our sweet baby was safe and completely unaffected. I was so overjoyed I kept asking the nurse to let me listen to the baby's heartbeat over and over. I was put on permanent bed rest and my pregnancy was classified as “high risk.” I was transferred to an amazing OB specialist in Seattle who had actually delivered my brother and sister!! I ended up being on bed rest for 3 months. I’ll admit at first the thought of being able to kick back and relax sounded awesome… and then it hits you that you can’t get up!! After 3 months I was put on “moderate bed rest” and could do basic things, just nothing extreme. When Josh and I found out that we were having a boy and started looking at baby boy names, I immediately liked the name Jayden. A family that we went to church with growing up had a son named Jaden and I had always loved that name. While doing some name research we found that the name Jayden meant, “God has heard” which was so perfect for us. God had heard our prayers and pleads and had chosen to bless us with this little life. I am so thankful and Josh and I feel so blessed that God kept our sweet beautiful Jayden safe. We were told that there was a very high risk that Jayden would be extremely premature and to our surprise and to the surprise of our doctor Jayden ended up only being 1 week early!! Praise the Lord! I know that it wasn’t in our plans to get pregnant but it was God’s plan and God always knows what is best for us. Josh and I thought that we would probably wait a good 4-5 years before even considering starting a family but God knew better. I cannot imagine my life without my son. The journey that God has lead us through was a tough one but it makes us appreciate the blessing of our son so much more having gone through what we did. If God wouldn’t have chosen to allow my pregnancy to continue and even if we would have never met Jayden, Jesus would still be faithful and He still would be just. HE still would have known what was best for us and he still would have loved us. The verses that I clung to so tightly would have still been true, God would have been there for us to help us come through it and He would still uphold us with His righteous right hand. This Mother’s Day I thank God for blessing me with the gift of life through our son. I cannot wait to watch Jay grow, I pray that he will come to know Jesus at a young age and know how much He loves him. This Mother’s Day I realize that I have found my purpose in life; to be Jayden’s mommy.
1 Samuel 1:27- "I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him.”
1 Corinthians 10:13- “no test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it.”
Isaiah 41:10- “Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God I will strengthen you, surely I will help you. Surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Another thing I love about Zoka is that when they train their barista's they teach them to make latte art. 
