barista babblings

This morning a woman came into the coffee shop and walked right up to the pick up bar where I was and asked for the bathroom key, I reached for it and as I was handing it to her she crossed her legs and said, "thanks girl, I've really gotta go poopy."  Ummm, what?!  The weird thing was she was maybe a few years older than me, pretty, stylish, in cute clothes and said it like it was no big deal at all.  And when she came back, she said,"sorry, it's a little stinky in there" and smiled and walked out like it was no big deal.  Correct me if I'm wrong, but that's not normal--is it?!  

Anyways, after the my run-in w/ the pooper I started thinking about all the random and strange things that have happened to me with customers at the coffee shop.  Enjoy:

• A pregnant woman that used to come in all the time asked me if I could get off work early so that I could go with her to her ultrasound appointment since her husband couldn't make it.  I didn't even know her name, I just knew her as that DoubleTallNonFatDecafLattePregnantLady.
• When I came back to work after Jay was born, an older guy said,"you live on ________ Avenue right?!" slightly creeped out I said yes and he replied with, "man, that little guy must be keeping you up late, your lights were on pretty late last night."  No joke.  Granted my car is parked in our driveway and he could have noticed it and it is a pretty small island, but it seriously freaked.me.out.
• A week or so after I got engaged a guy asked me how I was, I told him that I was great and that I'd just gotten engaged.  He told me to give the ring back and run because marriage was the worst thing that anyone could ever do to themselves. A few minutes later his wife came in and started bossing him around and he looked at me and pointed to her like *see, I told you so*
• One crazy lady started stalking one of our regular customers, she would come in and ask if he had been there yet or if I knew what time to expect him in.  She would leave her number for him or ask me to tell him hi for her.  The poor guy was so weirded out by her and that he stopped coming in to avoid running in to her.  She even asked me if I could set up a blind date for the two of them, after I told her that he hadn't been in in weeks she never came back.
• This man came in and told me that he was having the hardest time figuring out what to get his wife for Christmas, I told him that I was sure whatever he got her would be great!  He must have brought his laptop up to the counter at least 10 times to get my opinion on gift ideas.  He even brought her in after Christmas to show me the coat I helped him pick out for her!
• One of my favorite regulars that I used to talk with almost everyday started talking to me about the big day she had ahead at work.  I knew little tid-bits of her life since we chatted almost daily while I made her coffee.  I knew that she was a yoga teacher and a masseuse so I was so blown away when she told me that she was also a sex therapist and was coaching a threesome that night & was really dreading it because the always try to get her to join. Say what?!  You try keeping a straight face through that! 
• One day while Josh and I were dating he came in to hang out at the shop while waiting for me to get off of work.  I didn't notice he was there at first and when I finally did noticed him sitting there I waved and winked at him.  Well, the guy sitting at the table in front of Josh's saw and waved AND winked back.  The guy even came up to the counter and started chatting me up, it wasn't until he turned to go back to his table that he saw Josh and turned bright red.  
• One lady told me that I was the reason she wasn't losing weight and that she knew what I was up to.  She was positive that I'd been making her drink with whole milk or half & half instead of non-fat milk.  I had to make sure that she watched my grab the non-fat or else she would return it.  I once remade her drink 3x until I finally told her that she was more than welcome to watch me make her drink, but I was only going to make it one more time.  She was sure that I was plotting against her and trying to sabotage her weight loss goals. 
• A gay couple used to find out my schedule and would only come in when they knew I was on bar because they said they only liked my coffee.  One day they asked me if I would ever consider being an egg donor or a surrogate for them.
• A man I'd never seen before ordered a Red Eye (coffee w/ shots of espresso) I made it for him and handed it to him.  He looked at it disgustedly and asked, "what the hell is this" I explained that it was a Red Eye and explained what was in it.  He asked why anyone would ever order such a nasty drink, threw it on the ground and walked out.
• There have been actually been a few fights between people waiting in line who get impatient.

Ok, I'll stop, I could go on for days... seriously.  I meet the wackiest people at work.  Sometimes I wish that coffee shops and cafe's worked like bars and that I could throw the unruly ones out.  Thankfully, I also meet a lot of nice people at work and of course a few great tippers.  

Happy Friday Ladies! 

Don't forget to tip your barista! ;)