Today

 Today was a good day but it was also a hard day.  We went on a day trip to Winthrop (which is about an hour away) with Josh’s family.  I had so much fun looking at the local shops and checking out the town.  We went to the best restaurant called the Old Schoolhouse Brewery.  

The food was amazing (can you say guacamole, pepper-jack, bacon burger with sweet potato fries- yum!) and after sampling some of Josh’s beer I was kicking myself that I didn’t order my own (and I’m not even a beer drinker).  We met up with one of my Josh’s dad’s firefighter friends who now lives up there and checked out his place up in the snowy mountains.

On the way home I ended up riding home with the in-laws and my sister-in-law, Kenzie & Josh, Jay and Ty (my brother-in-law) rode together.  We drove into the mountains through the most beautiful scenery and I started reminiscing about family trips of my own.  I started thinking about the good times that my family had.  I hurt hearing Scot talk about plans he wanted to make with his family and the love and interest he had in each member of his family.  I wondered how my dad could have given up on our family.  I wished that my dad would have that same interest in me that Scot has in his kids, instead of the reality of my dad only talking to me 3 or 4 times since August.  I fought back tears and focused on the scenery, I bit the inside of me cheek and tried to keep up with the small talk. 

After we pulled in the driveway I went to our room, I crawled under the covers and just let go.  I don’t understand.  I don’t understand how you can cheat on your wife for 24 years of your 28 year marriage.  I don’t understand how you cannot have time for your kids who so desperately want your attention and approval. I don’t understand how someone can stand in front of a church pretending to be something they aren’t.  I don’t understand how someone could live a double life.  I don’t understand how you could hurt your kids so badly and not show any remorse.  I don’t understand. 

I laid under the covers in the dark for what seemed like hours.  I heard the door open, the covers lifted and Josh’s arm wrapped around me.  He held me and I cried.  I cried until I had no more tears.  He held me and made promises to me about our life and our future.  He held me and prayed for me, for us.

Today was a good day, but it was a hard day. I am so thankful for the amazing man that I get to call my husband.  I love that we get to write our own endings and I refuse to let the past shape my our future.